You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
