Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
