I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
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