While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
