either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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