Where is the hickey?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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