Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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