You can't motorboat a personality
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
