Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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