I cannot find my penis.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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