It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
