They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
