were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
