Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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