I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
