He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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