i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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