The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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