Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My sheets look like a crime scene.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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