laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
this is an emotional support booty call
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
