he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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