from now on my penis is your penis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
