sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
