was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize