i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
