i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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