I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
