So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
