She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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