Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
