I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
