i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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