Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
