Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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