This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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