His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
