We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
