Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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