I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
