Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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