some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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