It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
