before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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