She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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