I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
