dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
