thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
