Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
