we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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