like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
