I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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