is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
