ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
