Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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