I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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