Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
