I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
