direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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