Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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