I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
