She is in my trunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
