i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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