I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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