So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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