I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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