Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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