chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
