so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
